The Blog of melody08

Or some way to earn money. Preferably quickly.

I need to help my mom. I feel so bad for her. I generally don't like trying to explain this stuff, because most people don't understand, but I figured there might be someone here on EP who might get it. When my mom was 38 (I was 8) she had a SCUBA diving accident where she had multiple strokes. When that happened, her body sort of did a fast forward. At 38 a woman still has her periods and can make babies and all that. But the minute she had the strokes, her body went into post-menopause. This drastically cut her lifespan. At 38 her body thought it was 25 years older than it really was. She's basically the same age as my grandmother now.

So when she had these strokes, it gave her this permanent headache thing. I shouldn't say headache, because it's so severe she could only lay on the couch for days at a time in pain. She had to stop working and go onto disability. She had brain surgery (which only made matters worse). Then she got put onto a dozen different pills. She takes the most hardcore stuff you can get (morphine, Oxycontin and such) in pretty large amounts (it runs in our family that it takes a lot of drugs to affect us) and this lets her go about her day like normal, when it would probably make anyone else overdose. So now she's 48 and it's been 10 years. 10 years of a countless pills everyday. It does horrible stuff to your body, like your liver and things. So she takes vitamins to try and help balance it out, but it doesn't do too much. And keep in mind, her body thinks it's about 70 something. Not to mention she still has bad habits like smoking.

Anyways, I'll try and get to the point. Her teeth are deteriorating. Literally overnight. I dunno about most people, but I know when I even think about teeth, it makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know if I could handle waking up to find myself spitting bits of my teeth out. But that's what my mother is going through. A couple have already broken and it hasn't been to bad yet, but the other night another one went and now the root is exposed and she's in a lot of pain. The only thing I've been able to do for her is get her a bunch of Orajel and such. I know she really needs to see a dentist, but we have no insurance, and no money. As I mentioned, she had to go onto disability and we live off social security, so things are tight. I just really wish I could get a job so I could save up and help her. I sit here crying right now because it hurts me so much. I don't want my mom to have to go through this. I want her to be ok and not have to be in constant pain and wake up missing teeth.

I have applied for so many jobs since I got back home to Florida, and most places said they were hiring for the holidays, but I only got one interview, and that was a fucked up group thing. It hurts to sit here and watch this happen and not be able to do anything about it.

You might not understand this, but this is a time when I feel it might be best to just die. I know that if I die before my mom does, then she'll commit suicide. And if she dies then she won't be in anymore pain. I must sound sick and twisted, but it makes sense to me.

I just... don't know what to do...