I Didn't Realise | melody08's Blog

I forgot how easy it was to fall back into a hole.

When I'm here in this apartment, I tend to want to keep holed up in my room so I don't have to see anyone. I mean, I like to be out in the sunshine, but I could deal with opening the blinds. For some reason, when I'm here I just want to shut out the world. I don't want anyone else to be around.

I know a big thing is not having a job. I just really need to get a job soon, or I dunno if I'll ever wanna get back into life again.

This hole is wide, and deep, and dark. It's not that I get so depressed about it. I'm perfectly happy staying in my room all day playing on the computer, watching movies, reading. It's not even really about staying in my room. I just like being by myself. If I could be out in the world with no one around, I would love it. But there's people everywhere. Cars driving by, people walking. I could go to the beach or something, but I couldn't bring my laptop there and I don't really like the beach anyway.

One day when I'm super rich, I'm gonna buy a massive property, and have a huge yard, and just be alone whenever I want. I'll just forget that anyone else exists.

Maybe that's why I end up staying up all night. Most people sleep at night and it's quiet, then I can pretend no one else exists. That's the way I like it.