The Blog of melody08

In case you didn't know, I have spent the last few days in a mental hospital. I put myself in there (STUPIDEST DECISION EVER!) to get help, which is what i was told I would be getting. BIG FAT LIE! And of course once I was in there I could not get out until they thought I was ok.

I went in because I was very depressed and suicidal. From the moment they admitted me, it became all about my weight (which admittedly was quite low, only 86 lbs.). They almost took me to the hospital cause they thought I was gonna die or some stupid shit. But of course I was fine, just underweight. And it really annoys me and pisses me off when people talk about my weight and tell me they think I have some disorder. And guess what happens when I'm there?! "YOU HAVE BULIMA! WE KNOW BECAUSE YOUR TEST RESULTS SAY YOUR ENAMEL IS COMING OFF YOUR TEETH AND THAT'S CAUSE YOU'RE THROWING UP ALL THE TIME!" ... But I HATE throwing up. I've thrown up like once or twice in the past 5 years. And not by my own choice. "WELL IF YOU DON'T HAVE BULIMIA YOU HAVE ANOREXIA!" I believe anorexia is a body dysmorphic disorder, which means you see yourself differently in the mirror than you actually are. When I look in the mirror I see a boney, skinny girl. And since they were telling me that's how I look the entire rime I was there so I don't believe I was wrong... "WELL MOST PEOPLE WHO HAVE EATING DISORDERS DON'T KNOW IT!" And I agree, but I still don't think I'm fat and I would like to gain weight. 3 days of nothing but accuasations and watching me. They wrote down every bite of food I had (which wasn't much because of course it was disgusting, but I forced down what I could just to please them) and watched me when I went to the bathroom to make sure I wasn't throwing up. It was utterly rediculous. And then when I did eat, of course it wasn't enough. And when i did gain weight, that wasn't enough either. IT WAS NEVER FUCKING ENOUGH!

Not to mention the fact they all got my file screwed up. By the second day I was there, I had someone telling me I used to work there cause it was in my file. WTF?! Seriously?! How does that even happen? And when I told someone that everyone was screwing up my file, they got pissed at ME. Then after I'm there for a day or so, I find out they aren't even there to help! I was so fucking misled. And when I went to the lady who fed me all this crap she just was like, "Well there's nothing I can do. I have to leave." What a bitch. I could not wait to get out of there. Not to mention I was the only one there, so they didn't even pay attention to me. I just watched cartoons all day by myself. So friggin' boring. And I couldn't even wear a bra! Apparently girls like to take the wires out of their bras and cut themselves. And I couldn't shave because we weren't allowed to have razors. And no soap in the bathroom cause kids like to eat it. No plastic knives to cut food. Ugh. I was so happy to get out of there.

They made me take this suuuuper long psych test yesterday, and I got so fed up and I just started answering stuff sarcastically. It would be like, Finish the sentence: The best _____________________. And I would write like, The best... shampoo is Pantene Pro-V. Lmao, it was funny.

Today they told me they were discharging me. I was so flippin' happy. Then when my mom came to pick me up we had to talk to the social worker for a bit, and I was just so friggin' manipulative, and was acting a bit psychotic to be honest. And it was funny, because I tried to tell them how I was and they wouldn't listen because they were too preoccupied with my weight. So to be able to show them how screwed up I really am, and then they can't really do anything about it because I'm already discharged. It was so great. Apparently they were "disgusted with my behaviour." Bwa ha ha. They really wanted to keep me there, but they couldn't. And now they know how bad I really am and that they didn't do anything about it and now I'm out. HA FUCKERS!