I Gotta Make a Getaway | melody08's Blog

"You tell me that you love me first. Then throw your heart into reverse."
Yes, thank you for reminding me once again how much of an ass you really are. I apologize for being so incredibly foolish and gulible.

I haven't been feeling right lately. More depressed I suppose. I'm beginning to almost completely hate myself. I feel like I make so many stupid mistakes at work. I tend to cop an attitude with stupid people. I try really hard, but I can't tolerate stupidity very well. Someone complained. :(

For years I've kept everything inside, and just recently I've begun expressing how I really feel about people. For example, there is a girl I work with who is not too bright. She has trouble putting together a proper sentence sometimes, and no she's not mentally retarded or anything. She's just realllly ditzy. Right, so the other day she couldn't figure out how to say the sentence, "The man woke up." She would say, "He woked up!" or "He awokened up!" It was ridiculous. Then I remember how she's invited to an academic banquet. (When she said that I literally busted up laughing.) After her 5th attempt at her sentence I just said, "Well you're gonna have fun at that banquet aren't you?" I don't think she actually heard me, but I didn't care if she did or not. If I think you're stupid, I'll let you know.

With customers, that's not so great. I just hate it when they come up and complain about something stupid like prices, when I can't do anything about it. I had some lady come up to me the other day asking for a popcorn refill. She didn't think he popcorn was fresh enough so she wanted fresh popcorn. Fair enough. I figured I wouldn't even charge her for the refill, which would normally be 50 cents. I told her to just dump the popcorn out of her bag and I'd refill it. Then she asked for a new bag. I told her I couldn't just give her a new bag for free, she'd have to buy it. She got down right irate. "I've never heard of such a thing in all my life!" I explained to her we charge for the bags and cups, not the popcorn and soda. And to be honest, her bag was fine anyways. So I said again, "If you wanna just dump the popcorn I can refill this for you." At that point apparently she thought I needed to "learn to respect my elders." Damn my attitude slipping through.

I'm trying harder now to really watch myself. Be eeeextra careful of my tone, smile all the time, ect. It's just, if you're gonna be rude to me I have the urge to be rude right back. Grrr. I just keep my mouth shut when I can.

Other things on my mind I'm too ashamed and embarrassed to even admit that I'm thinking about. All day I just wanted to be sick, take a bunch of pills, be sick lots, and die. Fuck fuck fuck.